oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
