I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
