Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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