I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
