If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
