Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
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