I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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