We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
