my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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