She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize