Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We don't watch enough power rangers
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
