My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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