need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
