i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
