every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
