Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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