Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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