she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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