just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
