I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
