genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
