You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
