So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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