Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
