hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
