Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
