Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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