Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
