Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
