Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
