I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
