I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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