I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
