I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
