Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
