This is not my ceiling
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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