Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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