Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
