this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
