don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
