my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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