Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
