do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
