I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
