I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
