PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
