You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
