O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She bit a glass in half.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize