im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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