next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
