8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
