there was a trapeze. enough said
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
