Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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