she was so not down for the gang bang
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
