My first STD was from a foam party
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
