I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
