Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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