Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Even my vagina gasped.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
