We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just gargled with NyQuil
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
