My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
