I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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