I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
