Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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