My brain says no but my pants say off.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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