Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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