and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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