The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
babies were throwing up all over the place
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
