My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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