btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
