I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Damn victory sex feels great
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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