Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize