if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
