i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
