I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
