K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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