He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
