Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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