You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
