We're like a lot better than the average bears
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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