the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
